Dear Exhausted:

I hear you bro and I feel your pain. The worst part of being in the ministry is the people you have to lead. Some, of course, understand your role and theirs, and they live out a grace-filled life that is a product of the vibrant life of Christ within them. But, in my experience, most Christians are stretched too thinly with family, work, and social commitments to take on the reflective life of prayer that gives life and fruit to a person’s faith. So, we as leaders endure the stress of ministering to a dysfunctional church that never quite measures up to its potential. The Epistles would never have been written by Paul, Peter, and John had all the churches in their day truly lived in the zone where Jesus blesses and empowers people.

Sadly, this takes a costly toll on many pastors and their families. I’ve seen studies showing that the majority of pastors are overly stressed by the demands of ministry, dissatisfied with their employment and have suffered sexual temptation (if not, sin). I believe those things are related. Many pastors are looking for an escape from the stress of ministry. Some find an immoral outlet in the church; others find an escape door.

Having said that, I’d like to point out that your training and experience in ministry have made you a valuable asset in the Kingdom of Heaven. You’re tired. Maybe a three- or six-month sabbatical is all you need. Maybe your church would consider continuing your salary for that length of time. I would hope so. You would have to build a strong case to present to your board with studies supporting your need for a sabbatical and with the policies of various denominations. You would also have to present a plan for the ministry of the church continuing in your absence. Three pastors in my area recently took three-month sabbaticals. Each of them began preparing their church boards and congregations a year ahead of time.

If God leads you out of ministry for a period of time, I’d like to encourage you not to leave without a plan. You would need an income from an employer that you like, doing work that you would enjoy. Also, you should consider how you could best reinvest your knowledge of ministry into Kingdom work. I know from experience that the inability to reconnect with ministry is deeply depressing when you have something to give and no one wants it. How would you handle being called but never chosen? There are so many licensed and ordained ministers looking for a pastorate that church search committees often receive hundreds of applications. Yours, as mine, might be lost in that pile and rejected in favor of younger applicants.

If you would consider a long-term hiatus from ministry, and if you have savings, I would recommend using some of it to acquire training from a college or technical school that would provide you with some updated skills. You’ll need that in order to be competitive in a job market that is already overloaded with young, highly educated applicants. No secular employer will be impressed by your seminary degree and your 25-year resume pastoring churches. That’s because they don’t have a point of reference for knowing how extensive your managerial skills may be. You might have led a staff, presided over countless board meetings, balanced budgets, and managed a school. But to an employer in the world outside your church, you’re nothing more than a narrow-minded, bigoted preacher–because they’ve heard a few. Also, as a former pastor, you’ll be viewed suspiciously by some people. Pastors just don’t leave their churches–do they? Isn’t it usually because of a moral failure?

If you’re considering starting a business, please consider that the majority of small businesses in America fail. You would need considerable capital, and training, and time to make any new business succeed. If you have the money you can get the training at a local community college or through a small business association. But if you have the money and the training, you’ll still need plenty of time for your business to succeed. That could take years. Can your family and budget endure the wait? Also, setting aside factors like location and marketing, most businesses succeed because the person at the helm has the vision and drive to create interest in the product or service. Do you have an entrepreneurial mind and personality?

Friend, I’m not a pessimist; I’m a realist. My experience in ministry has taught me to appraise my life objectively and honestly. I hope you’ll do the same. Your success in your present church may not be repeated. Are you prepared for that emotionally? Is your wife? Are your children? My children miss the attention they received as the pastor’s kids. They took pride in their father having an honored position in the church. Hearing people call their father, “Pastor Don”, meant more to them than they could articulate at the time.

My hope and prayer is that you will count the cost of leaving your church–and that, if you feel it is worth paying, you leave only when you have a plan for your life, family, ministry, and employment.

Praying for you!