Love Me, Confront Me

Matthew 18:15-20

Several nights ago, I attended my daughter’s middle school open house. After welcoming everyone, the principal highlighted a few school rules and principles of behavior. One of them sounded very much like Matthew 18:15-17. He said, “If you have a problem with a teacher, start with the teacher. If you have a problem with me, don’t go to Barbara Darden.” Everyone laughed. Of course, Ms. Darden is the superintendent of our school district— and his boss.

A fundamental principle of law is that everyone has the right to be confronted by his accuser. And yet, as we relate to people, we regularly deny them that right:

• We find it easier to embrace our false perception of people rather than to seek the truth.
• We find it easier to make assumptions about them rather than to seek clarification.
• We find it easier to say behind people’s backs what we can’t bring ourselves to say to their faces.
• We find it easier to murmur with others who have a critical and complaining spirit rather than to quietly refuse complicity in a conversation that could tear another person down.

We forget that Satan is “the accuser of the brethren” (Revelation 12:10) and that by accusing others we are agreeing with a demonic assessment of them. And so, other people are wounded, relationships broken, hope deferred, God’s Spirit grieved, and lives altered forever.

I wonder how different our lives might be if we lived by the standard of 1 Corinthians 13:4—7 or Romans 13:10. Maybe we would begin to fulfill the scriptural admonition to love one another at all times, not just when it is easy or convenient. And by first loving people, maybe our assumptions would be positive, our tone gentle, and our goal redemptive for others and ourselves.

I want to know, can you love me when I disappoint you? Can you see my strengths and not be blinded by my weaknesses? And when you point out the piece of sawdust in my eye, will you be able to see the beam of timber in your own (Matthew 7:3)? This is how God’s people live in community.

If we have anything against anyone, especially a brother or sister in the faith, we have the obligation before God to approach them alone, aware of our own faults and being willing to receive correction like we are prepared to give it. None of us is perfect; all of us need one another’s help to be made whole and useful for God’s purposes. As Proverbs says, “Iron sharpens iron” (Proverbs 27:17). It might not always feel good, but it may be necessary, and it can only happen when the two of us come together in love and truth.

Finally, be aware that loving another person in the Spirit of Christ might mean leaving him alone. Maybe his dull edge won’t receive sharpening. If you can’t say something to a person because he is unapproachable, don’t say it to anyone else behind his back. As a co-laborer with Christ, trust in God’s grace and let the Lord help him if that is possible.

I have a feeling my daughter’s principal would appreciate that.

–Don Kimball