Resounding Gongs and Clanging Cymbals

“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.” (1 Corinthians 13:1-3)

My family visited a church this morning. In fact, we were the only visitors in the small congregation—evident from the surprised and effusively warm welcome we received upon walking in the door. This is a church that evidently isn’t accustomed to having many visitors. At the appointed time for the worship service, most of the seats in the nearly dark room were empty and no one else entered the church to fill them.

A few minutes late, the band emerged from a hidden door at the back of the stage, took their positions, and launched into the first song as lights flooded the stage in the dark, smoky room. The music was so painfully loud and sonically distorted that it was impossible to discern the melody with certainty or to enter into worship. Even my teenage son said so. He’s a bass player and knows something about sound systems and balancing sound with mixers.

Off to one side of the stage, a woman danced zestfully to the beat of the drums, skipping and swaying and leaping while waving a large Star of David attached to a flowing banner that shimmered and glittered in the light. Backlight from the stage made her long white skirt semi-transparent, revealing that she was wearing white shorts or granny panties underneath. It was hard to tell. King David danced in his underwear (2 Samuel 6:14), so maybe this was just the latest worship trend. We’ll all be dancing in our underwear soon. It could be a great new evangelistic tool. Think of the unbelievers who would come to watch and then hear the gospel and get saved….

After the band played about three songs, and while the music continued, the hefty senior pastor strode forward with a swagger, took hold of a microphone and began exhorting the crowd to worship. Within ten or fifteen minutes, he segued into a pre-sermon address about faith coming by hearing the word of God (Romans 10:17). He said this was something God had given him that morning before eating his breakfast cereal (amazing self-control for such a well-fed man!). Pacing back and forth on the floor in front of the stage, he then bounded up the stairs and down again, and—impressively—even stood on a chair in the front row that was able to endure his massive weight. He waved his arms, shouted at us and leapt to the floor, strutting to and fro while he continued shouting incessant biblical insights and exhortations to the congregation over the near deafening music.

Within another ten or fifteen minutes, his audience had been overwhelmed by the musical fusillade and beaten into submission by the sound of his voice. They were ready to heed his call to come meet the Lord. So, waving an arm in the air, he commanded everyone forward to worship at the altar. Most people complied. We stood by our seats along with about a dozen elderly people and young children who were some distance away. And the band played on while people cried out, and some—at his instruction—got down on their knees to seek God. Noticing my family standing alone, he looked directly at us—and, uncomfortably, right at me—and said something like, “…and I’m sensing from God that there are visitors here this morning who don’t know Jesus. Now is your time! There is a place here at the altar for you! Come to God and get saved!” Great. We’d been “outed” in front of the entire church. He might as well have redirected a spotlight on us.

Of course, if God had really been speaking to him, God would have told him that I began my life as a born again Christian at the age of 18. Since that time, I have followed Christ and continued to seek and serve him. I have been ordained many years and served in various churches in several ministry areas. My salvation and call to ministry are beyond question. In fact, I have personally explained the gospel to hundreds of people who have received Christ. But the pastor knew only that we were resisting his appeal to come forward and—thus—must certainly be resisting God for salvation. Of course, it could have been the way I was dressed. My yellow gingham shirt was tucked neatly into British khaki slacks, both from Brooks Brothers. In contrast, the preacher’s portly frame was concealed by a black untucked shirt that had a large iron-on transfer on the back and that, by now, was soaked with sweat. It’s easy to see why I looked like such a sinner.

Having stood for about forty-five minutes by this time, we sat down and waited on the show to end. The word “show” aptly describes the superficial scene we had been observing. The pastor’s showmanship was a poor knockoff of bad Pentecostal evangelists. He had learned some mannerisms and techniques for whipping up a crowd. But his manipulative approach was an unappealing substitute for the genuinely convicting presence of the Holy Spirit. He was so full of himself that he had no room left for Jesus.

At about the time when all this was running through my brain, my wife leaned over and shouted into my ear over the racket that she was thinking of leaving, which was pretty interesting. Because about two minutes later, while the pastor continued spewing his virtually unintelligible spiritual insights on Elijah and Romans, he said, “And listen to me, people, if you’re not feeling God’s presence right now you need to get up and walk out the door.” It was the only thing he said that spoke to me. We weren’t feeling God’s presence, so we did. We got up and walked out the door. We didn’t want to stay for his regularly scheduled sermon—which hadn’t yet started. The appetizer had left a bitter aftertaste that unsettled our stomachs. It was time to go.

What made our experience especially sad was that the pastor’s denomination has been especially effective at reaching unchurched people with the Gospel and growing churches. Admittedly, he is not the best representative of his fellow clergy. But it is still a wonder to me that any preacher could be so evidently devoid of God’s love that he would substitute for authentically anointed ministry nothing but a “resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.”

Preacher, I don’t care how much noise you can make. I don’t care how you can manipulate a crowd. Assuming your doctrine is biblically solid, all I care about is whether you have God’s love in you and that you are showing it to me. If you don’t and aren’t, you have shown me nothing and you will gain nothing of eternal value. You won’t see me back at your church.

Find a Better Shepherd

Question from a Friend

I have a question for you. I am asking because I trust your opinion. I was at a store to buy groceries. The staff was working on Easter displays, but many of the shelves where bare. There were no eggs, cottage cheese, sour cream, or cheese. As I was walking through the store, I noticed a manager and another associate so I told them that the management needs to spend more time stocking shelves and less time on their Easter display.

The associate, a member of my church, complained to my pastor. My pastor called me late that night, at 9:45pm, and verbally attacked me over the phone. He said that I behaved poorly and was a poor representation of the church. I was not displaying Christlike characteristics.

The thing is, though, I was very polite in the store and never raised my voice to the associate or manager. I just stated my complaint. I feel that I have done nothing wrong. I told my pastor that if the associate took my comment personally, I apologize. Nothing in my complaint was directed at her.

Two days later, my wife and I had a meeting with the pastor and church leadership. The attack started almost immediately after we sat down. I listened for awhile and then I stated that I could not submit any longer to the pastor’s authority. We terminated our leadership position and left the church.

This was not the first attack we received from the pastor. I felt as if the bonds of trust where broken and that I no longer could trust him to lead. Do you think I should have handled this differently? Or do you think I should have stayed in the church?

My Response

I appreciate the confidence you have in me. I hope my response lives up to that.

First, your initial comment might have come across in a manner other than you intended. You said, “the management needs to spend more time stocking shelves and less time on their Easter display.” This might have sounded judgmental and condemning to the sales associate. Whatever the management does is really up to them, however it might affect their business. And sales associates are hired to do whatever the store manager wants, even if it is setting up an Easter display when they should be stocking shelves. A less confrontational comment might have been, “I see you’re busy working on the Easter display. Do you have someone who could help me find the eggs?”

Second, regarding your role in the situation, I’ve found that, even when the other person is largely at fault, an apology from me can help defuse a potentially explosive situation. I’m not always aware how I’m coming across to someone else and I don’t have the ability to read their mind or know their heart like God does. This means that either of us might make false assumptions about the other person’s intent based upon things as subtle as facial appearance or vocal inflection.

Several weeks ago, a woman in the church confronted me harshly over a song that was planned, but that I didn’t have the congregation sing. We were simply out of time. But the song had special meaning for her and she demanded, “I want to know why you didn’t have the congregation sing that song!” My apology brought the intensity of the situation down several notches and helped me avoid what would have been a much more difficult confrontation later. She walked away feeling satisfied. I walked away feeling intimidated and angry about her attitude, but relieved that I still had my job. I learned later that the song was sung at her mother’s funeral.

The Biblical principle here is that “a soft [gentle] word turns away wrath [anger].” By responding gently, we bring the intensity of the situation down a few notches where, eventually, we can all talk about it rationally.

Having said all this, you seemingly offered an appropriate apology. You said, “if the associate took my comment personally, I apologize.” This apology might have influenced the situation more positively had you offered it to the sales associate.

Third, sometimes my opinions aren’t worth sharing. This is because the other person might have an equally valid opinion, or because I might not have enough information to form a correct opinion, or because the other person might not have what Jesus called “ears to hear” the truth. In situations like yours, generally, I’ve found that I should wait a day before expressing my opinion to the person. This gives me time to think it through and to assess whether addressing the situation is a good idea. A question to ask is, “Is this a hill worth fighting for and dying on?” A short postponement also gives me time to share the situation with my wife and to get her opinion. She’s a pretty good judge of whether I need to address it or just let it go.

Fourth, regarding the associate’s role, it appears as though she overreacted and handled the situation improperly. She felt offended by your comment and should have talked to you about it, rather than report you to a higher authority. The senior pastor’s first words to the church member should have been something like this, “According to scripture you need to talk to West first, before involving anyone else—including me. Have you done that?” When the pastor responds as this one did, he is acting as the policeman of the church, enforcing the rule of law rather than taking the pastoral role of a mediator and healer. He violated the same principle when he confronted you the second time before an audience of church leaders.

Fifth, there are times when a pastor does have to confront people. No matter how gentle his words, his firmness might come across as unyielding and unreasonable—even when it is biblical and warranted. I didn’t personally observe any of these encounters, so I don’t know the extent to which your perception of the situation conforms to the pastor’s actual approach.

Finally, you should probably find another church. Your attitude or words were partly responsible for the situation. But this situation, and apparently others, was not handled well by the senior pastor. No pastor should ever make a member of his flock feel “attacked.” Such an affront from him can do nothing but break “the bonds of trust” that you have in him. If you can’t trust him to lead you, mentor you, and care for you, then you should find another flock with a better shepherd.

Dear Exhausted:

I hear you bro and I feel your pain. The worst part of being in the ministry is the people you have to lead. Some, of course, understand your role and theirs, and they live out a grace-filled life that is a product of the vibrant life of Christ within them. But, in my experience, most Christians are stretched too thinly with family, work, and social commitments to take on the reflective life of prayer that gives life and fruit to a person’s faith. So, we as leaders endure the stress of ministering to a dysfunctional church that never quite measures up to its potential. The Epistles would never have been written by Paul, Peter, and John had all the churches in their day truly lived in the zone where Jesus blesses and empowers people.

Sadly, this takes a costly toll on many pastors and their families. I’ve seen studies showing that the majority of pastors are overly stressed by the demands of ministry, dissatisfied with their employment and have suffered sexual temptation (if not, sin). I believe those things are related. Many pastors are looking for an escape from the stress of ministry. Some find an immoral outlet in the church; others find an escape door.

Having said that, I’d like to point out that your training and experience in ministry have made you a valuable asset in the Kingdom of Heaven. You’re tired. Maybe a three- or six-month sabbatical is all you need. Maybe your church would consider continuing your salary for that length of time. I would hope so. You would have to build a strong case to present to your board with studies supporting your need for a sabbatical and with the policies of various denominations. You would also have to present a plan for the ministry of the church continuing in your absence. Three pastors in my area recently took three-month sabbaticals. Each of them began preparing their church boards and congregations a year ahead of time.

If God leads you out of ministry for a period of time, I’d like to encourage you not to leave without a plan. You would need an income from an employer that you like, doing work that you would enjoy. Also, you should consider how you could best reinvest your knowledge of ministry into Kingdom work. I know from experience that the inability to reconnect with ministry is deeply depressing when you have something to give and no one wants it. How would you handle being called but never chosen? There are so many licensed and ordained ministers looking for a pastorate that church search committees often receive hundreds of applications. Yours, as mine, might be lost in that pile and rejected in favor of younger applicants.

If you would consider a long-term hiatus from ministry, and if you have savings, I would recommend using some of it to acquire training from a college or technical school that would provide you with some updated skills. You’ll need that in order to be competitive in a job market that is already overloaded with young, highly educated applicants. No secular employer will be impressed by your seminary degree and your 25-year resume pastoring churches. That’s because they don’t have a point of reference for knowing how extensive your managerial skills may be. You might have led a staff, presided over countless board meetings, balanced budgets, and managed a school. But to an employer in the world outside your church, you’re nothing more than a narrow-minded, bigoted preacher–because they’ve heard a few. Also, as a former pastor, you’ll be viewed suspiciously by some people. Pastors just don’t leave their churches–do they? Isn’t it usually because of a moral failure?

If you’re considering starting a business, please consider that the majority of small businesses in America fail. You would need considerable capital, and training, and time to make any new business succeed. If you have the money you can get the training at a local community college or through a small business association. But if you have the money and the training, you’ll still need plenty of time for your business to succeed. That could take years. Can your family and budget endure the wait? Also, setting aside factors like location and marketing, most businesses succeed because the person at the helm has the vision and drive to create interest in the product or service. Do you have an entrepreneurial mind and personality?

Friend, I’m not a pessimist; I’m a realist. My experience in ministry has taught me to appraise my life objectively and honestly. I hope you’ll do the same. Your success in your present church may not be repeated. Are you prepared for that emotionally? Is your wife? Are your children? My children miss the attention they received as the pastor’s kids. They took pride in their father having an honored position in the church. Hearing people call their father, “Pastor Don”, meant more to them than they could articulate at the time.

My hope and prayer is that you will count the cost of leaving your church–and that, if you feel it is worth paying, you leave only when you have a plan for your life, family, ministry, and employment.

Praying for you!

Exhausted from Ministry

From a Senior Pastor

Dear Pastoral Staff:

I’m praying about leaving my church this summer. The church is doing fine, but I’ve never had time off to get refreshed and retooled for my ministry. I’ve never had a sabbatical or anything and I am just tired of doing pastoral work. I just don’t have it in me. I love preaching but don’t really love the other stuff that goes with church. The church deserves more, and my family needs something else, as well as me. I’m not leaving in the midst of crisis; I do believe this is going to be a good spring for us. I’m working toward leaving on an up note,…but where do I go next? What does someone who’s been pastoring for over twenty-five years do? And how do I get another job? It’s not like I can make public to my church that I want to get out of ministry and do something else. Networking with people can work well when searching for employment, but not when the network is your parishioners and the pastors of other churches.

Exhausted from Ministry

Mob Boss Minister

Driving by the front door of the church building, we saw the senior pastor walking in from the parking lot. He looked back at us, so I gave him a friendly wave. His stern expression revealed that he had no interest in being friendly. Unmoved by my warm gesture, he continued walking as my teenage son commented from the seat beside me, “Pastor Frank looks scary. He looks like he could be in a movie for the Mafia.”

He was right. Frank looked like he was about to order a hit on someone. Truth is, Frank looks like that all the time. His intimidating nature can really put you off your game. Even when he’s less aggressive, his serious and dour demeanor casts a pall on everyone around him. He smiles and it looks like it hurts.  Poor man.

I chuckled even as I considered how true my son’s observation was of Frank. Everyone has a bad day now and then, but some people look like a Mob boss with indigestion. So, to all the Franks in the ministry, skip the “fra diavilo” sauce and pass the cannolis! Cheer up! If the weight you carry is too heavy it isn’t the one Jesus gave you. Wasn’t it Jesus who said, “My yoke is easy and my burden is light”? (Matthew 11:29-30)

Maybe it’s time to offload some of that weight. Maybe there are tasks that someone else can do, or that don’t need to be done at all. Maybe you’ve been confusing activity with ministry. Filling up your schedule doesn’t mean you’re effective, only that you’re living at the mercy of other people’s demands. You know, the “tail wagging the dog” thing. Maybe you need to rediscover that spiritually anointed ministry flows from your relationship with Jesus Christ and from a balanced and unhurried life. You’ll probably have to retrain some of your key leaders that less activity in your life will mean more fruit in your ministry. But that’s OK. It’s a Kingdom principle. Even the apostles had to pass off some of their tasks to other people so that they could focus on prayer and teaching/preaching. You can read about it in Acts 6:1-7.

The Apostle Paul recognized our common human tendency to stray from tending to our soul. So he reminded us to do three things that are essential for spiritual health—and that together comprise the foundation of spiritually authentic ministry:

• Prayer: Rather than stressing about life, God wants us to talk to him about it. He wants to hear our heart’s honest desire. (Philippians 4:6)
• Meditation: God wants us to reflect on his Word for our personal benefit. Paul also includes anything that is consistent with the noble character, right standard, pure quality, and lovely nature of God’s Word. (Philippians 4:8a)
• Application: Whatever we learn or receive from God’s Spirit through prayer or meditation will be lost if we don’t apply it to our lives. Conversely, whatever God reveals to us will be formed in us if we put it to use. (Philippians 4:8b)

Prayer, meditation, and application are your primary activities as a pastor (remember Acts 6:1-7!). Why? First, because they are the means to your experience of pervasive joy, evident gentleness, and protective peace (Philippians 4:4-6). I could keep adding to this list of benefits. But you get the idea. You can find more by reading Galatians 5:22-23. Really. This stuff is in the Bible. Who knew that this would apply to pastors?

Second, prayer, meditation and application are your primary activities because people reproduce what they are. When you exude genuine spiritual fruit from a life that includes substantial time with God in prayer and mediating on his Word, the people who follow you will eventually do the same. Isn’t that what you’re really working for, anyway? We—and our children—look to you as our spiritual leader to be an example to us of these things. If the principles in God’s Word don’t work for you, how can they possibly work for us?

So, if you’re finding it hard being joyful, gentle, and peaceful—maybe you need some time off. Seriously, your spiritual retreat would do us all a world of good. You might just reconnect with God in a way that fills your spiritual cup to overflowing with something that you haven’t experienced in a long time. Please. I’d like nothing more than to hear my son say, “Pastor Frank doesn’t look like he’s in the Mafia anymore!” Why not? Because, instead, you will be radiating the joyful, gentle, and peaceful heart that our Heavenly Father has formed in you. Who knows? You might even feel like waving back.

Loyalty: A Three-Part Tragedy (#3)

CONFLICT & RESOLUTION
[Please read Parts One and Two for the context of Part Three.]

Unfortunately, the senior pastor handled the situation poorly. He could have scheduled a meeting with the worship leader, invited her opinions about the Sunday worship services, and permitted her to make some changes in worship that might improve the congregation’s experience. He could have done this without divulging his knowledge of her intention to set-up a rival worship service. With the Sunday morning service suiting her vision for worship, the senior pastor would have “deflated” her plans for a mid-week competitor. If her vision were successful, nothing would have been lost. If it were unsuccessful, church members would have complained. He then could have helped the worship leader expand her song repertoire and knowledge of worship styles, or he could have helped her understand that God might have a church elsewhere that fits her worship style better.

Instead, the senior pastor confronted the worship leader in his office by accusing her of seditious plans against his authority. He invoked the name of the associate pastor. The meeting was contentious and loud. She disclosed this to the Sunday school teacher, who confronted the senior pastor in his office, and who invited the associate pastor to breakfast for the purpose of confronting him with his error. The associate pastor had, in the teacher’s opinion, a biblical obligation to keep the worship leader’s plans in confidence—especially with knowledge of the senior pastor’s unpopularity.

Within a few days, the senior pastor asked the popular worship leader to leave the church, contributing to dissension against his leadership. Within a year, he manipulated a narrow vote in favor of his continued employment by the church, and about half the congregation left to join other churches. In the absence of their tithe income, the senior pastor faced a budgetary crisis, so he asked the associate pastor to leave the church.

Questions
1) The associate pastor thought he could trust the senior pastor to handle the situation properly, but he was wrong. Given the outcome, should the associate have told the senior pastor what he knew of the worship leader’s plans, or should he have considered other courses of action?

2) What biblical principles and verses apply to the associate pastor’s situation?

3) What might have been the result(s) of the associate pastor’s silence? What biblical verses would support his non-intervention?

Loyalty: A Three-Part Tragedy (#2)

THE PLOT THICKENS
[Please read Part One for the context of Part Two.]

Within a few months of the associate’s arrival, the worship leader confided in him that she was planning on transitioning the mid-week choir rehearsal into a worship service without the senior pastor’s knowledge where, she whispered, “we can be free to worship the way the senior pastor won’t permit in the Sunday services.” This confession placed the new associate pastor in a difficult position.

The associate had moved his family a great distance to the new town and uprooting them again so soon would be difficult and potentially detrimental to his career. Furthermore, he had been hired by the senior pastor and not by the worship leader. He was professionally obligated to be loyal to the senior pastor, regardless of his sympathies with members of the congregation. By keeping the worship pastor’s plans in confidence, he was at risk of conspiring with her. He believed that his duty was to divulge what he knew of her intentions to the senior pastor.

Questions
1) Should the associate pastor be loyal to the senior pastor who hired him and who was his direct supervisor?

2) Should the associate pastor sympathize with the worship leader and other people in the church and be party to the senior pastor’s demise?

3) To whom could the associate pastor have turned for counsel?

Loyalty: A Three-Part Tragedy (#1)

SETTING THE STAGE

The dynamic church had a decades-long history of growth under the caring pastorate of a man who was also an inspiring preacher. The church had been settled into its new and larger facilities only a few short years when the aging pastor announced his retirement. Shortly afterward he moved to a far distant retirement community.

The new senior pastor was emotionally distant from church members and imposed new ideas without first winning people’s trust. His sermons were emotional displays and biblically shallow, rather than the more reserved and biblically insightful sermons of his predecessor. People made confidential comparisons between the beloved former pastor and his successor, in which the new pastor was always wanting. He was aware of some of the murmuring and feared the opposition would grow. As a consequence, he felt threatened by anyone whose leadership was respected and enjoyed by the congregation.

One of them, a Sunday school teacher, was a gifted Bible teacher and leader. He had attracted an enviable class of over one hundred people. It functioned as a small church within the larger church. The class had its own song leader, prayer team, fellowship activities, and class benevolence.

Another influential leader was the choir director. Her animated mannerisms and outgoing personality were a foil for the socially awkward senior pastor. Their conflicting vision for worship contributed to the undercurrent of tension between them.

The senior pastor soon felt a need for an associate pastor who could assist him with pastoral care and discipleship. The new associate was received warmly by people in the church who observed him to have a similarly compassionate heart and inspired teaching as the retired senior pastor.

Questions

1) There are five players here, the former senior pastor, the present senior pastor, the worship leader, the Sunday school teacher, and the new associate pastor. What was the senior pastor’s biggest mistake upon starting his ministry in this new church?

2) What could the senior pastor have done when he became aware of the murmuring against him?

3) What should the new associate have been wary of?